The 10 Types of Nerds

When it comes to the world of Nerd and Dorkdom, it is important to know were you fall in the spectrum of nerd. Unlike other spectrums, this one only has three true categories: The Closet Nerd, The Normal Nerd, and the Obsessive Nerd. Within each group though there are the different types of nerds. Each devoted to their own different type of....thing....

1) The Closet Nerd is probably the most common type of nerd simply because they dominate the Middle and High Schools. Closet nerds however are the most likely to change into either a Normal Nerd or and Obsessive Nerd. The reason they are in the closet? Probably because they don't want to admit that they like something that everyone secretly loves. The big example is Pokemon in the middles school. You will be shunned and made fun of for playing in in public while the other kids are all playing it in private. Their just ashamed of their level 100 Charizard.

Conversation with a Closet Nerd
Me: Dude, have you ever played Pokemon?
Friend: Ya, a while ago. I've grown out of it..
Me: Bummer, I've been playing and I have a level 35 Charizard. One more level and it evolves!
Friend: Actually it evolves at level 37. Blastoise is the one that evolves at 36. Personally I would have chosen Squitle then trained a Grolithe as my fire type.
Me: .....what?.....
Friend: I mean.....uh......them Lakers eh? 


2) The Normal Nerds are probably the most manageable of the nerds. They enjoy their nerdy vices but they don't think it is the best. They have a basic knowledge of the different stories and nerd mediums and they have a favorite, but they are the least likely to put you down or challenge your favorite. Pretty chill and passive aggressive.

Conversation with a Normal Nerd
Me: Dude, I just saw Tron....it's awesome. I think it is my new favorite movie.
Friend: That's cool. I wasn't so much a fan of the movie but I like the concept of it all. I prefer Star Wars.
Me: Star Wars is pretty cool. Who would win? Rinzler or Count Dooku?
Friend: Rinzler for sure man.


3) The Obsessive Nerd is probably the most feared of all the nerds. Unlike the normal nerd that will have a logical (or as close to logical as you can) conversation with you, they will destroy you. Never engage one in a debate. If you win you can bet that you will find some threat in Klingon written on your door.

Conversation with The Obsessive Nerd
Me: I just got the new Pokemon game. I'm not going to lie, it's pretty fun.
Friend:....are you kidding me? 
Me: What?
Friend: You bought that game? With the 5th generation of Pokemon?
Me: Yes
Friend: Where is it? We Sacrifice it tonight to appease the mighty Mewtwo.
Me: You might want to rethink that man.
Friend: SILENCE HEATHEN


Those are the Three main personalities of a nerd. But what about the different worlds?

4) The Space Out Nerds. They are the people who like any kind of Science Fiction. From Star Wars to Star Trek. This is the group that you are most likely to see battles within the group however. The Enterprise Vs. the Millennium Falcon is a personal favorite of mine. No matter who you are in this group though. It is all agreed that Yoda is the ultimate winner of all battles with Darth Vader as a close second.

Conversation with a Space Out Nerd
Me: Dude, what is that?
Friend: It's my new lightsaber! What do you think?
Me: It's pretty cool....why is it purple?
Friend: So that it's like Mace Windu's.
Me: ....Isn't Mace Windu Black?
Friend: Yes
Me:....Dude, you're the whitest kid I kn...
Friend: Shhhh.......

5) Long Ago Lands Nerd. These nerds are the followers of Fantasies. Usually they can name every race in Middle Earth and can then speak the language of the elves. After that they would probably quote some prophesy and then talk about how they are the subject of said prophesy. In all reality I don't mind these nerds as long as they can also pull out the Religious themes and motifs from J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis's work. If they can't then I weep for the future.

Conversation with a Long Ago Lands Nerd
Friend: We should watch all of the Lord of the Rings Movies in one night.
Me: Ok, that sounds sweet.
Friend: We should also dress up.
Me:...um...ok....sure
Friend: I'll be Gandalf, you can be Frodo.
Me: ....I'm not that short man.

6) The Comic Book/Superhero Nerd. Admitting, I am one of these nerds. I can proudly say that I am a fan of the X-Men, That my Favorite Hero is The Green Lantern (but if I could be a superhero it would be Hulk), My favorite villain in Venom, and that my favorite superhero team is NOT the avengers (gasp!) But I think that the Justice League is the bomb. (Sorry for the Deception mates.) Honestly though, who isn't a superhero nerd? Everyone loves them! Usually the nerds also know more information about the superhero than is usually known.

Conversation with a Comic Book/Superhero Nerd
Me: Did you see the new Spider-Man Trailer?
Friend: Ya man, it looks awesome. I especially can't wait to see the Proto-Goblin.
Me: Who?
Friend: The Proto-Goblin, He was the test subject for the Green Goblin Serum. 
Me: Oh ya!.....that....guy....(poker face)


7) The Collectible Nerd. If you are this kind of nerd then you know exactly what I mean when I say, "I challenge you to a duel!) I don't know what it is, but it just feels cool when you have a deck or a game that is different from anyone else's. No one has your same cards. No one has your exact Pokemon team. It's just awesome to try and catch them all! One thing is aways agreed on between these nerds. Pokemon over Yu Gi Oh and Digimon and First Generation above all the others.

Conversation with The Collectible Nerd
Me: Arcanine! Use Fire Wheel!
Friend: Arbok, dodge and use Poison Bite!
(This would probably continue for about an hour so I'm not going to try and finish this conversation)

8) War Time Nerd. These are the black ops kids. They think they know everything to war because they have have fought off a horde of Nazi Zombies. If all our soldiers were playing these games the wars we are in would be over....no joke...sort of joke but mostly serious.

Conversation with a War Time Nerd
To tell you honestly I don't know what these conversations are like or I can't think of one off the top of my head. They'll probably list of a number of guns and then describe how they killed an entire army singly handed. They will also without fail talk about how they blew someones head off. 


9) Whovian. What is a Whovian? Have you ever heard of Doctor Who? Why are you shaking your head? Are you a hater? Probably. Doctor Who is one of those shows that people either hate or love. And when it is loved you cannot sway a follower from talking against it. It does however have the most contention. People always have their favorite Doctor and favorite Companion. Personally I like the 6th and 3rd doctor and Amy and Rory as the companions. Don't judge.

Conversation with a Whovian
Me: Don't Blink
Friend: But I need fish custerd
Me: Fine, could you pass me my sonic?
Friend: Sure, could you pass me my Fob Watch?
Me: Dude, don't open it yet. If you do then the angels will recognize you and take the phone box.
Friend: Let's be real, they will recognize us anyway because I'm wearing a Fez and your wearing a bow tie.
Me:....At least we go down looking cool....
(As you can see, both me and my friend are Whovians)

10) Harry Potter Nerds. Let's just say that there were a lot of disappointed people after Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part II. Not because it was bad (it was awesome). But because there are no more movies. Don't worry though....there's always Pottermore....

Conversation with a Harry Potter Nerd

These are the categories. People usually fit into a couple of different categories. If you only fall into one then you must be really devoted. Personally I'm a true blood Whovian, Space Out, Collectible, Superhero nerd with a touch of Long Ago Lands.